This is the post excerpt.
She is just so lonely.
She can feel it in the hollows of her bones’, she can feel her lonely heart beating inside her chest.
All she wants is for someone to want her, someone that wants to come home to her and be with her. All she ever wanted was someone to share life with, the ups and the downs.
To just sit with at the end of the day, and just be with.
© 2017 MyWrite KR
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I just want to be free, to float away and be surrounded by all the love and light that I can’t feel on earth.
I want to feel pure love and dance in the light of an eternal stary night.
I don’t want to feel pain anymore, I don’t want to be trapped in the confines of my body.
I want to be free.
But I am bound to this earth and its raging seas, so I’ll just let the current take me out to its depths and wait until I am called home
You’ll never be able to find love where it doesn’t exist. Yet I watched her look for love in every dark cave, around every cold corner. She was relentless and the cold and bitter nights were unforgiving. I told her that she was searching for something only written in fairytales. She had only ever come across the type of love that was fleeting, perhaps not even love at all…
It doesn’t matter who it is I am with, it’s like my soul is always searching for a version of you. Perhaps one day my heart will learn to let you go, but for now my heart feels most at home when thinking of you. Thinking of all the could have beens and what ifs.
You are a diamond, and just because he didn’t choose you it is ok. Depending on which light you hold a diamond in, determines its shine. He wasn’t your light…
I feel lonely. There isn’t a soul in my life right now that can make me feel enough. I know I need to feel enough within my self, but when you haven’t been held and kissed and just spoken to with so much love and kindness in so long it wears down your heart. My bones feel hollow. This lonelyness is killing me from the inside out. I have thoughts of the next one, I imagine him to fill my world with all the love and light that I need. I imagine him to love me in ways that I never knew existed. I just hope that he wants me as much as I want him, I feel like I am wading through the darkness and I can’t see the light. Sometimes I wish that I could turn it off and choose the eternal life. The one beyond, that is just pure love and light. There is no darkness there, because darkness doesn’t exist. It’s only here on earth that we feel it. It’s only here that we are consumed with ‘things’. But I can’t leave this world yet, and even if I could… you wouldn’t understand the loneliness that I am.
And behind the depths of her blue eyes, there is an ocean and she is struggling to stay afloat. You want to save her, don’t you?
But how can you save someone who has already drowned, but is still breathing?
You can’t.
Suspended in darkness.
Those moments before you wake and you can feel the soft, cool morning air around your bare skin. The bed has never felt more comfortable and you cannot tell where the blankets start or end. In these peaceful, calm and beautiful moments you feel so alone. Not an alone feeling that you get at 3 am when all you want is to be enveloped by the one you love, or to roll over and see a face. This alone feeling is like the whole world is yours and yours only. Like you are awake so early that there is not a single soul in this world awake. These are your moments. Beautifully alone, wandering aimlessly in thoughts while laying curled up in bed, warm and free but most of all content.
The alarm goes off and you are pulled from this peaceful moment of just being and propelled into the harsh cold reality that these moments of tranquility cannot last forever. In that thought, you realise nothing lasts forever; a bitter sweet thought you think to yourself. You take a deep breath filling your lungs with the icy cold morning air before rolling over and seeing him. You get lost in him, gazing over at his sleepy face. So dreamy with sleep and dreams still lingering in the flicker of his eyes, they open. His first awakening sight is your face, he has a tired lazy grin.
He really loves you, he cares. How can anyone make me feel so worthy? Or the real question is, how did anyone make me feel so worthless? Then you hear someone whisper “darling, he made you feel so worthless, because you let him. You believed that you had no worth, no purpose. It was all you my dear.”
Euphoric.
Free. My mind settles as I relax and can focus on other things but you and me. What ever happened to you being my calm ocean? To make me feel whole and settle my soul? Now you’re just the angry current, black as the depth of the sea. Pulling from left to right and I’m stuck in the rip. I’ve settled for eternity in the black hole… if there is ever a way for the light to shine on me again, to remove the clouds and the darkness, then it’s you, you’re not in my world…
At a low point today. My eyelids are heavy and I can feel them. Most days I can feel the air in my lungs and the sun in my skin, but today is different. I can feel a rage in my heart and I can’t breathe or think straight. I just want to flick the switch and be in an eternal sleep. Peaceful and floating and free from the chains that keep me bound here, on earth.
My Write 